Sunday, November 17, 2013

One week.

This coming up Saturday, about a week from today, our baby was supposed to be born.
I am supposed to be round. My ankles swollen. My wedding rings tight. 
Uncomfortable yet filled with excited anxiety. 

 A week from today, we were supposed to meet our Elston. 
We were supposed to hold him. Calm his cries. Announce to the world. 
Tell him a thousand times that day how much we love him.
Then a thousand times the next day.

Today I allow my heart to sit still. Knowing and feeling the Lord near.
Yet knowing and feeling an emptiness. 
A heaviness.
 A brokenness. 
A longing. 
A longing for the way it should be. 
Because this. This is not how it should be.
A mama with no baby. 
A heart still in a thousand pieces. 

Jesus, today is one of those days that I can't. 
Hold my heart tight. All the pieces, would you? 
Hold our baby extra tight today, would you? 
 Tell our sweet baby a thousand times today how much he is loved, would you? 
And then tomorrow a thousand times more? 


  1. I am so sorry. And yet, somehow, this is such a beautiful post. Just a little tiny piece of a beautiful story. It's hard to know that in this moment. Praying He showers His blessings and beauty over you today. And tomorrow.

  2. Girl, lemme tell you, I can feel those prayers. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! Love you my friend.