Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Rivers til I reach you.

As I write this, it is two days until Christmas. I'm finishing up making a homemade gift for PK, wrapping gifts for our family, and cleaning odds and ends of our home before we leave for my parents' for a couple of days. As I sit here, I can't help but think of our sweet baby Elston who would have been a month old today. 

The sadness is less these days, but sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks. And today it did just that. My heart is still so sad and still longs to hold him, to know him, and for him to be physically here, getting ready to visit his Grandma and Pop. 

I listened to the playlist I made with songs that remind me of Elston. It's an interesting playlist with some songs a person wouldn't normally pick out as ones that remind them of their baby who has passed away. But I do believe they are about love that was lost, and in that regard, it makes sense why I picked them, and why they are so special to me. 

There is this one by a band The Head and The Heart called Rivers and Roads. It perfectly hit that soft spot and I wanted to share it with you. It's so beautiful and raw and waily. 
Oh, my sweet baby, I miss you so much, my heart physically hurts. I wonder often about you. 
You would have been one month old, you know. Would you have looked like your dad? Me? I wonder if you would still be a tiny little nugget or a baby with those squishy thighs that roll like hills. 
You mom misses you still. And always. 
Thank you Jesus for your love for our baby. It is greater than the best love I could give.

Rivers and Roads
Rivers and Roads
Rivers til I reach you...

1 comment :

  1. Sending you loving and warm thoughts as you continue to process and grieve. I know these thoughts and feelings well, and will pray for you as your heart heals.