Friday, May 9, 2014

My heart, my thoughts, on being a mama.

This weekend is a special one. We celebrate you sweet mamas and the gift you are to your kids. To the world. We celebrate you sweet mamas out there that long to know the babies you never got to meet. The mamas who had babies here on earth but are now in heaven. 

I think for me, this weekend will be one of those every year that has mixed feelings of extreme joy and extreme sadness. Extreme joy for the little life inside me right now. Kicking and moving and letting me know he's hangin' out, doing his thing. It's incredible really, to experience such a thing. My heart is so grateful and excited that I am his mom. And then the extreme sadness. Because this is the time of year we lost our first baby. The one that made us parents. The one that made me know what love is in a whole different way. 
Our Elston. 

I've recently gotten into some conversations about how I get to celebrate Mother's Day next year, when I am actually a mom. Yes, those conversations have actually happened. Try figuring out how to not have your hormones throw you into a rage so furious after you've had that conversation with someone about how you're not a mother yet. I'm praying with all my might that my sweet friends who read this who have lost babies have never ever ever had to experience any kind of conversation close to this one. 

But if you have, or if you are wondering "am I really a mom?" after your loss(es), I want you to know that yes, indeed, 110% you are a mom and you will always be a mom whether you have sweet little ones in heaven and/or here on earth. Our baby Elston is our son, who was alive in me for a short, yet sweet time. I don't understand how that wouldn't make anyone a mother after experiencing something so beautiful and quite frankly, miraculous. Your babies that went to be with the Lord are your daughters. They are your sons. And don't you let anyone tell you otherwise, my sweet friends. 

All this to say, I am both sensitive and celebratory as I think about all of you beautiful women out there who have the privilege of being moms. I am the same for you beautiful women out there who long to be moms one day. I pray for you all this weekend. You are on my heart like crazy. You are AMAZING women who are loved deeply by God, who knows you, and has things planned for you that you wouldn't believe. 

Happy Mother's Day weekend. xo


  1. Replies
    1. Thank you, my friend. It's been something I've been thinking about for a while now and just needed to get it out, ya know? Thanks for reading. xo